How to Train Your Big Fuckin' Fears to Honor Your Big Fuckin' Dreams

Fear hangs around because it thinks you need it in order to be safe.

It's sweet, really. And sometimes it's right. Sometimes fear is the intuitive trigger upon which you decide not to do something that could be hugely dangerous. But sometimes even hugely dangerous things are critical for your life, and you cannot proceed in integrity without doing what scares the shit out of you. When you're called to jump the 5 foot gap, because embodying your best self depends on it, train your fear to sit, lay down and roll over. 

Become the boss, the alpha dog, the Master. A kind and loving Master that gives treats for obedience, sure... But a Master, nonetheless. Hold the leash to your fear. Why?

Be in charge of your fear or your fear will be in charge of you.

I was getting pretty good at carrying around a hefty load of fear regarding our bike trip. Maybe if I lug it around, it'll make me nice & strong, and I can toss out the need for training, or planning, or doing anything helpful at all! I can just *will* my fear away! ... Not exactly.  

Lugging around Big Fuckin' Fears is exhausting. Like screaming at or ignoring an untrained dog. Your passion depletes. Your m.o. becomes duck or dive. You forget what it means to LOVE. You forget that you ever wanted the damn thing in the first place. You stop trying and you just make do. Uht-oh. 

Let's get back to loving, shall we? Cause we all know doing something hugely transformative is no fun when you're just making do the whole way through.

What's the biggest dream on your horizon? You know the one. Declare it. Then list your top 10 fears about it.  

I'll go first. My big dream is to go on a safe, adventurous and life-changing 8-month bicycle adventure with the love of my life. And my fears?

I'll get badly injured, one of us will get hit by a truck and killed, I'll get really lonely and miss all my friends, I'll let Brian down by having competing needs, Brian & I will never have sex or fun because we'll be so tired and uncomfortable all the time, I'll want to quit for 100 different reasons, I'll never be able to poop, I'll become totally jaded and unhappy, I'll get really sick, I will feel like I am too weak or not enough in 100 different ways.

Fun, ey? Heavy, right? Impossible to train? Nope.

Thank god for Kate Courageous (my a-mazing life coach) who came up with a simple, rock-star strategy for managing my fears. First, she let me sit with them for about 3 weeks. Then, she told me to write a 3-step action plan of what you'll do in the event that each of these fears come true.

Por ejemplo...

If I get badly injured... Brian will call 911 for an ambulance, we'll go to the hospital and get treatment, then we'll openly reassess what to do next (go on or not go on) based on doc recommendations and intuitive prowess.

or...

If I feel like I am too weak or not enough in 100 different ways... I will spend 2 minutes in rapid self-appreciation, cry or call a friend if I need to, then get up and keep going because I am not too weak. I am powerful & good enough & courageous & imperfect & full of inspirational strength.

Zip, zap, zop! Buh-bye all-controlling fear. We've introduced Strategy the Fear Fizzler. Is the fear still there? Sure. But it's following it's Master who knows which lawns to piss on and which to avoid, what to do about the barking pug, and how to open the front door.

Your dreams are too big to be bullied by fear. Hold the leash. Be the Master. You know what to do. The tail will wag, and you'll return home safe and stronger.

Then, we'll toast to courage together. Hell yes.