Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Excitement vs. Fear
So we leave in less than two months. Holy crap! I have been feeling so many things recently. Today Rach and I outlined our route on the map we have in our bedroom and I felt a huge pit in my stomach. Now I will be looking at this map every day until we leave!
What am I leaving behind? What am I looking forward to?
These are two questions I feel that I am grappling with everyday. Sometimes I feel like I am trading in a good pair of shoes for an unknown pair with the possibility of no pair at all.
What am I leaving behind?
-An awesome house and community
-Doing activism on a regular basis
-Playing in a band with my best friends
-Going to a coffee shop and knowing a lot of people there
-Biking through a city I know
-A bike community where I know the people in it
-And so much more
What am I looking forward to?
-Working on Pine Ridge American Indian Reservation
-Taking a bike mechanic class in Portland
-Adventure every day
-Meeting new people
The big thing that I am leaving is a comfortable happy life for a big hole with no knowledge of what is at the end of it all. This can both be frightening and exciting. Ever since we decided to do this I have been on the side of excitement but I think the fear is starting to sink in. To me the actual riding seems so easy compared to the emotional strain that I will be feeling as my whole life will be shifted for 8 months! And I'm already starting to feel that emotional strain.
This next month and half I need to sit in this zone and become familiar and comfortable in the unknown, it's so easy to say rather than do. Basically I just need to be present now and spend as much time doing the things that bring me joy and the people that make me happy until I leave. I guess I should stop writing about it and just do it :)